ArcaMax

Sexual expression is part of mental and physical well-being. On that, we agree. And as a single person, you also know how important it is to feel caring and commitment from a partner. The truth is that sexual union has the potential to be spiritual communion. Only when it joins soul mates can it express that high level of togetherness. It is then that sex morphs into lovemaking and delivers on its promise to blend souls. Anyone who's also known the farce of loveless gymnastics will attest to that.

But it takes a bit of doing to make sense out of the overchoice offered in single life, where sexual situations occur with some regularity. So this Sexual Bill of Rights aims to help you gain the confidence that comes from knowing what you want and what you don't -- without pained explanations and inner confusion.

As your eye meanders down the page, give a thought to the other ways you can express your loving feelings. When you think of it, your life can be rich in those outlets -- a pet poodle, your favorite niece, helping out at the local soup kitchen. Writing a poem to your parents could release some of the gratitude you feel for them. Volunteering at the local animal shelter to give affection to love-starved animals, taking a group of orphans to the circus -- is this any way to have a sex life? When the alternative is junk sex, you bet it is! And now, for your eyes only:

--I will adopt a consistent "live and let live" view toward others' sexual choices. I will be slow to judge or condemn.

--I will shape a code of conduct gleaned from my personal needs and sense of rightness. My chief concern will be to maintain mental comfort and general ease.

--I will not be coerced when making sexual decisions and will avoid those who try to influence through coercion.

--I reserve the right to remain virgin or chaste because neither state is harmful and periods of celibacy can be productive and fulfilling.

--I refuse to be enslaved by stale and corrosive stereotypes that view the male as only (and always) aggressor and female as only (and always) passive receiver.

--If acceptable to my sense of morality, I will engage in self-pleasuring, sure that masturbation is a natural and legitimate source of satisfaction. It can help me learn my sexual tastes, prepare me for coupled sex and keep me from junk sex.

--I pledge to myself and those who care about me to make prudent choices in the area of sex, choosing to forgo sexual activity that might come with risk of any kind. I am aware that choosing a partner means accepting his or her sexual history; I will make the decision only with full knowledge of the person's sexual history.

--I will exercise self-control and discretion at all times, for no matter how highly I respect sexuality, I am not willing to die for it.

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