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DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Kate" is 22 and just recently graduated from college. She has been dating her boyfriend for five years. I love this young man like he was my own.

The problem is, I just found out Kate has been seeing someone on the side. He is her boss, and he's 54 years old! I'm sworn to secrecy because her older sister told me about this. To say the least, I am disgusted, but I can't say anything because it would destroy the trust between the two sisters. Any advice? -- DISGUSTED MOM IN THE EAST

DEAR MOM: Yes. My advice is to step back and let the situation evolve. The truth will eventually come out. Either the boss's wife will find out and Kate will have to find another job, or her boyfriend will catch on and end their relationship so he can find a woman who is capable of being faithful. Sometimes people have to learn these life lessons the hard way, and Kate is no exception.

DEAR ABBY: Our adult grandson is planning a guys trip with three of his friends. We know only one of them well. They'll be visiting us at our lake home and doing all the lake activities. My husband will drive the boat as none of them has any experience.

I want to tell them I will turn the kitchen over to them and ask them to bring their own groceries and beverages. My husband thinks I should provide the groceries and meals, and have them bring their own drinks and help with cleaning up. This has caused a lot of arguments between us. How should we resolve this issue? -- FRUSTRATED GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: Here's how: Tell your husband you do not plan on shouldering the entire responsibility of feeding five adult males for the duration of their stay. Offer to cook a "welcome dinner" for them, but if he feels they need more hospitality, HE should prepare the rest.

DEAR ABBY: I frequent a small local restaurant. The owner is also the server. I believe her husband (or son) is the chef. We're on friendly terms, and I sometimes get a "free" dessert. When the bill arrives, I am asked on the receipt for a tip, which I have been leaving. But, lately, I feel I'm paying extra for my meal or paying for that "free" dessert -- and then some. I mean, who am I tipping? It's not like the server is a hired employee. I need to know, must I leave a tip? What is proper when it comes to tipping the owner who is also the server? -- CONFOUNDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: You state that this is a "small" local restaurant. Restaurants operate on a narrow margin. If the welcome is warm and you enjoy the food and atmosphere, you shouldn't quibble about rewarding the owner(s) with a tip. I don't think the message would be on the bill if a tip was not expected. The amount is up to you.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 446, Kings Mills, OH 45034-0446. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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